Five Gifts Jim Gave Bones To Get Into His Pants
by sugarcrushed
Summary: Jim tries to woo Bones with gifts. Kirk/McCoy slash.
1. Bourbon

Title: Five Gifts Jim Gave Bones To Get Into His Pants  
Rating: 15  
Warnings: Mild sexual innuendo's, swearing and later on some m/m lemon maybe.  
Summary: Jim woo's Bones with gifts.  
Disclaimer: I own nothing

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5. **Bourbon**.

Jim has been seeing Bones in an entirely different light for the past few months, his best friend and physician was now suddenly a shiny new sexual conquest.  
Jim couldn't place when this insight occurred to him; he just knew he wouldn't rest until he'd had the doctor in bed.  
Flirting would have no effect what-so-ever, as everyone in San Francisco knows that Jim Kirk would flirt with anything, no matter age, gender, height or even species, Bones knew this especially after 2 years of being Jim's _wingman _for his pickups.  
So Jim tried another strategy, and spent many nights crawling into Bones' bed naked only to get pushed out with a gruff _god damnit Jim! Let me sleep_, apparently Bones didn't want naked Jim and after a solid week of this (twice on some nights) Jim gave up; his ego was bruised as was his left bum cheek (Bones out right refused to take a look, to Jims dismay). So he thought about things that Bones would like and what he'd like to be done for and to him  
(Jim was rather pleased with himself, his thoughts only turned R rated 3 times while considering the possibilities) What he knew of Bones was that he was divorced with a kid, he was from Georgia and he drank Bourbon like he needed it to breathe or something. So Jim deduced that buying his best friend and soon-to-be-lover a bottle of Bourbon to sweeten him up was a good plan. And Jim _always _had good plans. Sadly for Jim, good plans can always turn bad.

He went out and found the finest Bourbon his money could buy put on his sexiest face (the lust filled eyes and wet lips look, worked like a charm) and marched over to Bones' dorm. Only to be greeted by a thoroughly drunk and thoroughly annoyed Bones. 2 hours later Jim found himself watching his unconscious best friend face down in the carpet, this is not how it was meant to go (well not without any sex anyway) Jim had just sat through 2 of the most tense hours of his life (yes, even more tense than when he thought he'd gotten that girl knocked up and her father found out, who knew you could talk about safe sex for an afternoon straight?)  
Bones had had a bad day at work and by bad he meant 2 cases of Andorian Shingles _(Did I mention their eyes _bleed?), 3 patients who had been in a shuttle crash with injuries ranging from a broken neck to a broken little toe,1 heavily pregnant Betazoid in false labour _(She hit me when I suggested it was false labour and then screamed her god damn mouth of when I thought about telling her to calm the hell down) _and an outbreak of Levodian flu amongst the first year cadets. Jim could only sympathise, and therefore allowed Bones to vent all his frustration out on him, what are friends for? With a resolute sigh, Jim heaved his passed out friend onto his bed, _time for plan B _he mused as he undressed Bones down to his boxers (he didn't peek down them...honest)


	2. Butter Pecan Cookies

4. B**utter pecan cookies.**

So when Jim found out that Bones had a secret love for butter pecan cookies he jumped at the chance to impress him by buying him a basket full.__

Jim found a place that home baked the cookies just outside the academy, and they looked just so perfect that he had to try just one. And one turned into 20. _I'll just go back and buy him some more _Jim mused brushing the last of the crumbs from his uniform. Suddenly his throat started to close up, resulting in him blacking out, a few hours later he found himself looking up at a particularly pissed off Bones.

"Hey" Jim rasped

"Do you ever read labels, Jim?" was the gruff reply he received. "With an allergy list as long as your arm you'd think you'd take more care in what you were stuffing into your mouth"

"I got you a present" Jim offered weakly.

"By any chance, was it the cookies you so kindly ate and had an anaphylactic shock over?"

Jim just gave a slight nod and put on his best bedroom voice (although with a sore throat, it sounded more like a whisper). "I'm sure I could give you another present..."

"No thanks Jim. I'd rather you not, as much as you may seem to think so, I do not enjoy jabbing you with a thousand hypospray's just to prevent side effects from the previous thousand that I gave you"

And with that, Bones turned on his heel and stormed out of the partition. Jim just groaned and rolled onto his stomach.


	3. Joanna McCoy

**3. Joanna McCoy **

Jim's never been a big fan of kids, but he's willing to make an exception for Bones' little girl. She's about 9 years old, and the spitting image of her father, even down to the scowl. Same temperament too by the way she's grouching over some girl named Daisy Harper in her class at school who keeps stealing the red crayon from her.

"You know what else Uncle Jim?" Joanna gives him a sharp tug on his sleeve, just to make sure she's got his attention still. "She tattled on me for kicking her when she stole it from me too!"

Jim just grins at the mini McCoy by his side. He knows that what he's done is pretty stupid if he gets caught, pretending to be Bones' to steal his daughter from out of school is rather dangerous, especially if Jocelyn finds out about this, but he figures that if he gets Joanna back before the end of school, the Ex will be none the wiser.

"Are you excited to see your daddy?" Jim asks when Joanna pauses for a breath. "He's missed you"

"Yeah! I kinda missed him too" Joanna grins up at Jim, reminding him so much of her dad it's unbelievable.

They turn into the corridor for dorms and make it up the flight of stairs before they hear the shouts of rage coming from Bones' rooms. . .

"Where the hell is she Leonard?!" the ex screamed, her shrill voice cutting through the quiet of the dorms hallway. "They said you came by and picked her up earlier on! She has a dentist appointment!!! Where are you hiding her?!"

"I haven't got her Jocelyn!!! And if I did I'm god damn allowed to look after my own child!" Bones sounded pissed, really pissed.

"Uncle Jim?" Joanna asked sweetly from next to him outside Bones' dorm. "I think you're trouble."

_You don't say _Jim thought before knocking on the door and running in the direction of the stairs leaving a confused looking Joanna stood outside the door.


End file.
